The men in my life...

So I've discovered something while here at school. University is not only a place for learning it's a place where people are obsessed with dating. When you talk to someone from home the typical questions are always asked:

• Do you like your roommate?
• Do you like the school?
• What classes are you liking?
• What do you do in your spare time?
• How's school going?
• Met any cute boys up there?

The last one always sneaks in. Now don't get me wrong it is a valid and important question. As a girl who has never been on a date or had a boyfriend, it's a question I get a lot. So sometimes when you're 18 and still have never been asked out you start to wonder.. why? Usually you think the right guy hasn't come along yet. Or I just haven't found my cowboy yet. But occasionally when you're down in the dumps you have those moments where you wonder, is there something wrong with me? Are my standards too high? 

BUT WAIT!

YOU ALREADY HAVE AT  MEN IN YOUR LIFE WHO LOVE YOU EXACTLY FOR WHO YOU ARE SILLY GIRL!

These men look at you like you're perfectly unique and wonderful everyday. These men still love you even when you mess up and get the sander stuck up against a building. These men raised you to be the woman you are becoming. These men will always be there for you. These are my men. 

These are the men who picked me up when I scraped my knee. These are the men who taught me to skate, ski, and drive. These are the men who dug through garbage to find me that necklace that I loved. These are the men who I  could cuddle with when I had bad dreams. These men made me laugh when I wanted to cry. These are the men who took me fishing, camping, boating, four wheeling, shopping, basically anywhere I wanted to go. These are the men who would watch me dance around the living room for hours. These are the men who would help me with my science projects on pulleys. These are the men who came to my baseball and rugby game, my plays, my gems Sundays, everything I wanted them there for. These are the men who I had Friday lunch dates with during the summer.These are the men who would play duck duck goose with me every new years. These men always make me feel safe. These are the men who taught me to dance. These are the men who could never stay mad at me, who would fix all my mess ups. These men make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. These men, my men, are the best men I know. They are the reason I know I will find a guy who will love me for me. They are the reason I want to find a man who will marry me and love our children the way I am loved. These men are superheros. 

So thank you to all of the men in my life. 

Think before you speak.

Maya Angelou once said 

"At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”

That statement is very true.


Today as I sat in the cafeteria with some people from my floor, I had something said to me that hurt my feelings. I don't think it was said to be mean or anything but it was hurtful. Now don't get me wrong I have been picked on a lot over my elementary and high school years, but this was different. It came from someone I was starting to look up to. Someone who I wanted to like me. As I said before, I know this person didn't mean to say something hurtful but they did. I was told that I wasn't pretty enough or the right kind of pretty to be in the schools sorority.  Not once did I ever want to be in one but to be told I'm not pretty enough to be in one is just plain hurtful.  When I saw the movie Sydney White I 100% wanted to live with the nerds and not the sorority girls... Nerds for Life!! I think this person thought it was alright to tell me that because they as well got passed on for the sorority. But it's not okay, and it will never be okay to tell someone else they are not pretty. I started to wonder how insecure this person must be in their own skin to want to make me feel bad about myself. Luckily I have been brought up by some kick-ass people who taught me to believe in myself, no matter what. That God made me, therefore I am beautiful. I will never be able to thank my family enough for instilling these ways of thinking in me. In some ways I am glad this person said it to me, and not someone else. I am not one to care what others think of my appearance, but someone without that security in themselves could be crushed by this. Later tonight this person and a group of us were talking, the topic of going to clubs came up. Someone mentioned how girls bring the 'ugly friend' along to make themselves look better. THIS bothered me so much. How dare you call yourself someone's friend if you refer to them as ugly. NO. Real friends see you as the beautiful person you are. Anyways so the question asked was would you rather be the one bring the 'ugly friend' or be the 'ugly friend'. Everyone answered, including this person, the one bring the 'ugly friend'. My answer seemed to annoy this person. My answer was: I would rather be the 'ugly one'. That way I am not the kind of person who calls their friends ugly. I would not be the person who is so friggen insecure that they have to put someone who is beautiful inside and out down. GOD MADE US. WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. WE ARE A CREATION OF HIS.  It's safe to say that my relationship and opinion of this person has been changed. 

This instance opened my eyes tonight. Not everyone is loving. Not everyone wants to be nice. Some people will try to bring you down to make themselves feel better. Not everyone was raised the way I was. Not everyone stays up at night worrying about how others have felt because of something I may have said. I watch what I say for that exact reason. How bad would I feel if I said something hurtful and that person was at the end of their line and what I said just pushed them. No. Words Matter. Choose them carefully.

On a happier note: My friend Kay must of had a feeling because right at the moment that I was told this, she sent me the cutest picture note and made the biggest smile come on my face. I love you so much Kay, you are the best friend a girl could as for. Thank you for everything!
Another happier note: I told my friend Maddy what had happened with said person and a couple hours later when I went to her room to return a sweater, she had made me a card. The card said the sweetest things and I can not thank her enough for it.

God gives you only what you can handle and he blesses you with friends that help you handle it. So thank you God for blessing my life with the people in it. And I pray for said person, I pray you find Christ again.

In the end I will forget what was said, what was done. But I will always remember how these people made me feel.

Who I Want to Be Like...

   Ever since I was born people always talked about what I would be, who I would be. When your little the generic answers are said, 'She's beautiful, she'll break a few hearts', 'She's brilliant, she'll change the world', she's this or that. My aunt once said something that filled my heart with happiness (you know like in the Grinch when his heart grows, that's basically what it felt like). My aunt said to me, "I hope Hannah (her granddaughter) is like Shania when she grows up" than she proceed to say wonderfully nice things about me. I never felt better about the person I've become than right in that moment. To know that she thought I was a good enough person that she wanted her pride and joy to be like me was heartwarming. So it got me thinking who do I want my future (and I MEAN WAYY FUTURE) children to be like? 
 When I started thinking about this question I started thinking about who I want to be like. Who when I was little I looked up to and wanted to be just like them. Who I still want to be like. The obvious answers come up...

• I want to have a heart as big as my moms
• I want my children to work as hard as my parents 
• I want to have a love like my grandparents and my parents
• I want my children to be strong and caring like my dad and uncle Rudy
• I want to protect and care for my children like my parents
• I want to be chill and calm like my dad
• I want to be well versed like my auntie b
• I want to be adventurous like my uncle Dave and aunt Kim
• I want to be creative and young like my aunt Wanda and my mom
• I want my children to grow up knowing as much love as I know

I want to be like a lot of people in my life. Ever since I was little I tried to be like them. I would copy my mom's saying and repeat them to my brother matter-o-factually (yes this did drive him insane). I would act just like my cousins (cause lets admit it I wanted to be Kristy so bad, she just seems so cool)( oh and don't forget me attempting to copy my crazy cousin Sarah's chocolate milk dance). But one person in my life has always been someone I want to be like. Someone I look up to. Someone I admire more than anything. Someone who I am so proud of. Someone who's opinion means the world to me. 

My Big Brother Johnny.

     Anyone who has met my brother probably knows why I look up to him and want to be like him so much. I wanted to be like him right from the start, I had a funny moment involving the pee tree, I wanted to be around him and his friends, I always made sure to tell people Johnny Van Dusen is MY brother. Now I know we probably weren't considered best friends when we were younger or maybe even now but we have a relationship that I won't ever have with anybody else. He is my big brother. He has made me cry, laugh, relax, stress, think, angry, happy and every emotion in between. He says I'm too loud, annoying, bossy and so many other things. But through everything he is always my and only my big brother. 

    He has influenced so many aspects of my life. He is the reason I found a sport that I love, he gave me the courage to try out. He is the reason I not too full of myself. He is the reason I love who I am so much, he may have wanted me to be more normal for a while there but ultimately he accepts me for me. He taught me millions of things and he was there for every part of my life. The ups and downs. He talked me through graduating,exams and high school freak outs. My brother has amazing qualities. He is funny (and I mean REALLY funny), he is super caring (SUPER), he is brilliant (he may not think he is but he is), he is extremely talented, he is so many things and I could go on forever. Anytime I don't know what to do in my life, I honestly think about how Johnny would handle this. He always handles things so much better than me. Johnny can seem tough and cool (in my mind he is one of the coolest people I know, I used to brag about him being my brother in high school) but he has a huge heart and just cares so much. He is willing to drive an extra 45 minutes to get me to take me home when I am homesick. He has texted me pretty much everyday since I got here to make sure I'm ok. He is the best big brother a girl could ask for. I never realized how much I talk about my brother until I started university. Apparently without even thinking I talk about him a lot. 

    I don't know if my brother knows just how proud I am of him. He is going to school away from all our family, where he knows no one and doing FREAKING amazing. He will graduate this coming year and I just know he will accomplish so much. Even if he chooses to switch fields or something, no matter what he does he will be amazing at it. He has found himself a girlfriend who is an absolute sweetheart (and who I am crazy about). He seriously has found a keeper, I just love her so much! He is amazing at any sport he tries (I am SUPER jealous of this). He is just a genuinely good person. He is 100% one of my favourite people in the world. I hope he knows just how much I love him and am proud of him. I may not always say it, I may put my foot in my mouth and hurt him, but I really don't ever mean it.  

So to end this all, who do I want to be like? Who do I want my children to be like? It's a plain and simple answer. If my children are anything like my brother I will count myself blessed.

I'm a Thunderwolf!!

So over the past week I started university! I am now officially a thunderwolf! I made the big trek up to Orillia and moved in to my dorm room. Up and down 7 flights of stairs with all my stuff! My wonderful parents helped me move in, it took a while but now its officially my room. I started orientation the next day and met so many cool people. It is such a weird thing, meeting new people, making new friends. The first few days everyone is giving each other the side eye, trying to figure each other out. During orientation we were busy constantly, which was probably a good thing! I went on a wonderful hike, played some games, did some scavenger hunts, and got decked out and went to a hockey game!

Our school absolutely had the most spirit but unfortunately lost! :(

After 4 long crazy days it was time for classes.

I learned a few things during my first few classes...

1. Profs will let you out early (every single class so far has been let out at least 30-45 min early)

2. The big lecture hall 1033 is freezing always.. so bring a sweater and sit on the left (that screens brighter)

3. Some profs will talk really really fast just to torture you

4.Some profs liked to be called Dr. others Prof, and others Linda

5. Even when you are paying thousands of dollars to be here, there will always be those kids who show up late and text and talk through the whole class (UGH don't sit near me you sucky people)

Now I probably have learned a few more things but that's a pretty good start! Something that made me so happy was since classes started I finally had time to set up my room...

 I'd say it's looking pretty good so far! I worked really hard on this wall and I absolutely love it!

So soon my first week of classes will be over and I will be into the full intensiveness of university (just today I forked out over $250 on books and that's cheap, one girl payed over $700 on books). I will being doing work all the time and have no life ( Tomorrow I have to read something like 70 pages -_-) So here goes the next five years of my life! Exciting, crazy, busy, hard, fun, and so much more... I hope its all these rolled into one!

That One Thing

    Everyone has that one thing, that one thing that they would do if they didn't have to think about the consequences or the future. It could be getting piercings on your face, covering your body in tattoos, becoming a stripper for a night or two, eloping at 18, breaking the law, buying a plane ticket and just leaving, partying all through school, doing that one job you are always told you can't make a living at, doing something crazy with your hair, anything really. There are a bunch of things in this world that as young adults we think about doing. We all have that one thing that if we didn't have to worry about our futures or careers we would do in a heartbeat. 
     Just stop and ask someone, I bet they have a cool answer. I know being a 18 year old, just about to leave for university, I have a ton bouncing around in my head. I asked some of my friends what their one thing would be. These are some of their answers...

' I would travel, just drop everything and go meet new people'
' I would go buy a house in big sur on the ocean'
' I would get a bunch of tattoos, maybe sleeves or something'
' I would bring a piano to public places like the middle of walmart or a park and just play what I want, whenever I want'

I bet you are now wondering well Shania, you've told us examples and your friends one things but you haven't told us yours! Well I have a few... 

• I would love to just pick up and go travel, not worry about money
• Get a camper van and travel across Canada and America in it
• I would also love to get my hair put into dreads
• Be a saloon girl or a saloon keep like in those old west movies my grampie shows me... Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke is so cool (I mean who doesn't want to work in a place full of cute cowboys...)
• And if you read one of my previous posts you know I wouldn't mind dancing on bars in a place like Coyote Ugly
  
  

   But just as you think 'yah I'll do it, I only live once!', you start to think about the aftermath. Like will this affect me getting a job? Will this affect me being taken seriously by others? Could I lose my job for this? (Because some jobs do not let you have facial piercings in) Will I make money this way? Will guys or girls not like me because of this? Will I run out of money? There are so many things to wonder about. I think about how I've always wanted to be a primary teacher. How I already know I'm going into a competitive field. How I know my friends and family wouldn't care if I had dreads or if I worked at night in some bar or saloon, but just cause the wonderful people I surround myself with won't care doesn't means others won't.  I am the first to admit I really don't care what people think of the way I dress or conduct my life, but as much as that's true I still have to think big picture. I have to remember one day I want to get a job in a school. The people interviewing me might not be as keen on dreads or tattoos or being a moonlight bar keep. I have to think about how someday I want to meet a guy and get married, and I want his family to like me! Yes I know people say well you're marrying the guy not his family and who cares if they disapprove of your life choices, or appearance. That is true to an extent, I am not one to change for anyone, but I am a huge family person and I want them to like me duh!! But that's thinking way in the future. Back to the big picture thing. I have had this dream of being a teacher since I was like 5 so I would like to do everything to get me there. I want to experience life and take risks but I don't want to do something stupid and get a criminal record. I want to party in university and have fun, but I don't want to mess away both mine and my parents hard earned money and all my hard work up until this point. 

So I don't think I'm the only 18 year old in the world that thinks about doing something crazy or drastic every now and again. I think it's all about dreaming of exploring everything the world has to offer. I can tell you I probably am more of an over thinker and worrier than most so I may need some crazy friend that gets me to take risks and go a little crazy sometimes. So who knows in a few years I could be posting on this very blog about how I just got some tattoo or danced on some bar or bought a camper van or bought a plane ticket out of no where. Who knows...... like I said I'm only 18, I've got quite the adventure ahead of me.

Last Day

Tonight was my last night of work at Shoppers Drug Mart. I started working there last summer, my wonderful friend Amanda (top picture on the right) helped me get a job there and I can't thank her enough. I started working in the post office and soon worked front cash as well. Now just a little over a year later I am a supervisor and have worked every department in the store at some point. I cannot thank everyone I have worked with enough. If you want to meet some of the sweetest people in the world and work for the best people, go work at Shoppers in Brockville. I can't wait to see everyone again at Christmas.
I got lots of hugs today and my boss also gave me a beautiful card as well as a card that everyone in the store signed. They also gave me some wonderful giftcards that I'm so grateful for. I realllly hope that these wonderful people keep me updated on their lives because they should know by now I plan on asking!!! I wish I got pictures with a few others because there are so many sweet people. Like Natica and Kailyn are two people that I look up to so much. They are the reason I am a supervisor and why I felt so comfortable so quickly. Natica is the kind of person I want to be when I'm older, she is so amazing. Kailyn is just so sweet and took me under her wing so quickly. Mady (middle right photo... yah she is really that pretty) is so many things and I love her for them. Mady will tell you how it is and will listen to you complain and talk about anything. She has a hard outer shell but she is such a marshmallow (yes Veronica Mars reference there) inside. Mady is such a strong girl and has gone through so much. She also gives AMAZING hugs!  Amanda (top right) and I have a unusual relationship. She dated my brother for two years, a couple years back. As you can probably guess they are no longer together as I said dated not dating. (my brother is now dating a beautiful wonderful girl Marla who I absolutely love to pieces but I'll probably talk about her later) So Amanda and I stayed friends even after they broke up! She is such a sweetheart and a great person to get advice from. Matt (top left) can always make me smile and laugh. We can have such an intense conversation about Transformers or some other movie. Or we can be playing with nerf guns and almost hit him in the face. Justin (bottom right) is my buddy at work, he is just so funny to talk to! We always have quite interesting conversations. Whether its about the guys getting in fights or drunken nights or prom, its always fun! Now last but not least Miss Dalena! She is my little buddy! She is honestly the biggest sweetheart! Who is also super duper funny! I get so excited when I get to see her! We always have so much fun when we are together. We also still need to go to the movies because we still haven't done that and we said we would so long ago! (hint hint if she reads this) There are so many more wonderful people that I could go on forever about but I shall end this here by saying...
Thank you all for a wonderful year!!! 
SEE YOU SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night I picked Miss Kayleigh up from her final day of work!! Kay has to be my favourite person to talk to because we can talk about anything. She will listen to me complain and talk for so long without getting sick of hearing my voice. Which is freaking amazing because I talk A LOT!

I brought a movie for our wonderful sleepover that I couldn't believe Kay had never seen. One of the best movies to exist...

Coyote Ugly!!This movie has to be one of my favourites. After watching this movie I always want to be a coyote! I think that when they jump up on the bar and dance with the cowboy hats and boots is just so amazing. Exactly what I would love to do! What young girl doesn't want to make money by dancing on top of a bar and partying. Unfortunately the actual Coyote Ugly bars are only in the states so it would kinda be a far commute from home to work... 

 So my life as a blogger has start... I am in no way a good writer so bare with me. I don't know if anyone will actually read this or if I am just making it as a way to get the millions of thoughts always bouncing around in my head out. I thought this blog would give me a spot to document my life that is about to change a lot. 

I got the idea of a blog from a book I just finished about a girl who decides to blog her life as it gets turned upside down. So I think much like my train of thought this blog is going to jump from topic to topic and really have no real path. So here it goes...