Think before you speak.

Maya Angelou once said 

"At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”

That statement is very true.


Today as I sat in the cafeteria with some people from my floor, I had something said to me that hurt my feelings. I don't think it was said to be mean or anything but it was hurtful. Now don't get me wrong I have been picked on a lot over my elementary and high school years, but this was different. It came from someone I was starting to look up to. Someone who I wanted to like me. As I said before, I know this person didn't mean to say something hurtful but they did. I was told that I wasn't pretty enough or the right kind of pretty to be in the schools sorority.  Not once did I ever want to be in one but to be told I'm not pretty enough to be in one is just plain hurtful.  When I saw the movie Sydney White I 100% wanted to live with the nerds and not the sorority girls... Nerds for Life!! I think this person thought it was alright to tell me that because they as well got passed on for the sorority. But it's not okay, and it will never be okay to tell someone else they are not pretty. I started to wonder how insecure this person must be in their own skin to want to make me feel bad about myself. Luckily I have been brought up by some kick-ass people who taught me to believe in myself, no matter what. That God made me, therefore I am beautiful. I will never be able to thank my family enough for instilling these ways of thinking in me. In some ways I am glad this person said it to me, and not someone else. I am not one to care what others think of my appearance, but someone without that security in themselves could be crushed by this. Later tonight this person and a group of us were talking, the topic of going to clubs came up. Someone mentioned how girls bring the 'ugly friend' along to make themselves look better. THIS bothered me so much. How dare you call yourself someone's friend if you refer to them as ugly. NO. Real friends see you as the beautiful person you are. Anyways so the question asked was would you rather be the one bring the 'ugly friend' or be the 'ugly friend'. Everyone answered, including this person, the one bring the 'ugly friend'. My answer seemed to annoy this person. My answer was: I would rather be the 'ugly one'. That way I am not the kind of person who calls their friends ugly. I would not be the person who is so friggen insecure that they have to put someone who is beautiful inside and out down. GOD MADE US. WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. WE ARE A CREATION OF HIS.  It's safe to say that my relationship and opinion of this person has been changed. 

This instance opened my eyes tonight. Not everyone is loving. Not everyone wants to be nice. Some people will try to bring you down to make themselves feel better. Not everyone was raised the way I was. Not everyone stays up at night worrying about how others have felt because of something I may have said. I watch what I say for that exact reason. How bad would I feel if I said something hurtful and that person was at the end of their line and what I said just pushed them. No. Words Matter. Choose them carefully.

On a happier note: My friend Kay must of had a feeling because right at the moment that I was told this, she sent me the cutest picture note and made the biggest smile come on my face. I love you so much Kay, you are the best friend a girl could as for. Thank you for everything!
Another happier note: I told my friend Maddy what had happened with said person and a couple hours later when I went to her room to return a sweater, she had made me a card. The card said the sweetest things and I can not thank her enough for it.

God gives you only what you can handle and he blesses you with friends that help you handle it. So thank you God for blessing my life with the people in it. And I pray for said person, I pray you find Christ again.

In the end I will forget what was said, what was done. But I will always remember how these people made me feel.

Who I Want to Be Like...

   Ever since I was born people always talked about what I would be, who I would be. When your little the generic answers are said, 'She's beautiful, she'll break a few hearts', 'She's brilliant, she'll change the world', she's this or that. My aunt once said something that filled my heart with happiness (you know like in the Grinch when his heart grows, that's basically what it felt like). My aunt said to me, "I hope Hannah (her granddaughter) is like Shania when she grows up" than she proceed to say wonderfully nice things about me. I never felt better about the person I've become than right in that moment. To know that she thought I was a good enough person that she wanted her pride and joy to be like me was heartwarming. So it got me thinking who do I want my future (and I MEAN WAYY FUTURE) children to be like? 
 When I started thinking about this question I started thinking about who I want to be like. Who when I was little I looked up to and wanted to be just like them. Who I still want to be like. The obvious answers come up...

• I want to have a heart as big as my moms
• I want my children to work as hard as my parents 
• I want to have a love like my grandparents and my parents
• I want my children to be strong and caring like my dad and uncle Rudy
• I want to protect and care for my children like my parents
• I want to be chill and calm like my dad
• I want to be well versed like my auntie b
• I want to be adventurous like my uncle Dave and aunt Kim
• I want to be creative and young like my aunt Wanda and my mom
• I want my children to grow up knowing as much love as I know

I want to be like a lot of people in my life. Ever since I was little I tried to be like them. I would copy my mom's saying and repeat them to my brother matter-o-factually (yes this did drive him insane). I would act just like my cousins (cause lets admit it I wanted to be Kristy so bad, she just seems so cool)( oh and don't forget me attempting to copy my crazy cousin Sarah's chocolate milk dance). But one person in my life has always been someone I want to be like. Someone I look up to. Someone I admire more than anything. Someone who I am so proud of. Someone who's opinion means the world to me. 

My Big Brother Johnny.

     Anyone who has met my brother probably knows why I look up to him and want to be like him so much. I wanted to be like him right from the start, I had a funny moment involving the pee tree, I wanted to be around him and his friends, I always made sure to tell people Johnny Van Dusen is MY brother. Now I know we probably weren't considered best friends when we were younger or maybe even now but we have a relationship that I won't ever have with anybody else. He is my big brother. He has made me cry, laugh, relax, stress, think, angry, happy and every emotion in between. He says I'm too loud, annoying, bossy and so many other things. But through everything he is always my and only my big brother. 

    He has influenced so many aspects of my life. He is the reason I found a sport that I love, he gave me the courage to try out. He is the reason I not too full of myself. He is the reason I love who I am so much, he may have wanted me to be more normal for a while there but ultimately he accepts me for me. He taught me millions of things and he was there for every part of my life. The ups and downs. He talked me through graduating,exams and high school freak outs. My brother has amazing qualities. He is funny (and I mean REALLY funny), he is super caring (SUPER), he is brilliant (he may not think he is but he is), he is extremely talented, he is so many things and I could go on forever. Anytime I don't know what to do in my life, I honestly think about how Johnny would handle this. He always handles things so much better than me. Johnny can seem tough and cool (in my mind he is one of the coolest people I know, I used to brag about him being my brother in high school) but he has a huge heart and just cares so much. He is willing to drive an extra 45 minutes to get me to take me home when I am homesick. He has texted me pretty much everyday since I got here to make sure I'm ok. He is the best big brother a girl could ask for. I never realized how much I talk about my brother until I started university. Apparently without even thinking I talk about him a lot. 

    I don't know if my brother knows just how proud I am of him. He is going to school away from all our family, where he knows no one and doing FREAKING amazing. He will graduate this coming year and I just know he will accomplish so much. Even if he chooses to switch fields or something, no matter what he does he will be amazing at it. He has found himself a girlfriend who is an absolute sweetheart (and who I am crazy about). He seriously has found a keeper, I just love her so much! He is amazing at any sport he tries (I am SUPER jealous of this). He is just a genuinely good person. He is 100% one of my favourite people in the world. I hope he knows just how much I love him and am proud of him. I may not always say it, I may put my foot in my mouth and hurt him, but I really don't ever mean it.  

So to end this all, who do I want to be like? Who do I want my children to be like? It's a plain and simple answer. If my children are anything like my brother I will count myself blessed.

I'm a Thunderwolf!!

So over the past week I started university! I am now officially a thunderwolf! I made the big trek up to Orillia and moved in to my dorm room. Up and down 7 flights of stairs with all my stuff! My wonderful parents helped me move in, it took a while but now its officially my room. I started orientation the next day and met so many cool people. It is such a weird thing, meeting new people, making new friends. The first few days everyone is giving each other the side eye, trying to figure each other out. During orientation we were busy constantly, which was probably a good thing! I went on a wonderful hike, played some games, did some scavenger hunts, and got decked out and went to a hockey game!

Our school absolutely had the most spirit but unfortunately lost! :(

After 4 long crazy days it was time for classes.

I learned a few things during my first few classes...

1. Profs will let you out early (every single class so far has been let out at least 30-45 min early)

2. The big lecture hall 1033 is freezing always.. so bring a sweater and sit on the left (that screens brighter)

3. Some profs will talk really really fast just to torture you

4.Some profs liked to be called Dr. others Prof, and others Linda

5. Even when you are paying thousands of dollars to be here, there will always be those kids who show up late and text and talk through the whole class (UGH don't sit near me you sucky people)

Now I probably have learned a few more things but that's a pretty good start! Something that made me so happy was since classes started I finally had time to set up my room...

 I'd say it's looking pretty good so far! I worked really hard on this wall and I absolutely love it!

So soon my first week of classes will be over and I will be into the full intensiveness of university (just today I forked out over $250 on books and that's cheap, one girl payed over $700 on books). I will being doing work all the time and have no life ( Tomorrow I have to read something like 70 pages -_-) So here goes the next five years of my life! Exciting, crazy, busy, hard, fun, and so much more... I hope its all these rolled into one!